What happened yesterday - KTs take

It happened! It finally happened.

I had been having this feeling all week that this week or next week might be *the* week. I am not sure exactly why I had that feeling, maybe because the week was so tough and I felt like there was no way possible that I would be able to deal with much more of this without some wonderful news soon! And we certainly had been praying that something would happen before the summer.

I was at work on Friday, and had my cell phone with me at my desk, which I usually don’t do (except in some cases on Friday). It rang at 10:51 a.m. and I saw that the number was not just a Stockholm number but a 08587 number, and I realized that this was probably it. So I rushed out of the room where I was sitting with three other people and into an empty conference room. The woman identified herself as Ann-Sofie from AdoptionsCentrum and asked me if I was in a good place to talk. And that was when I knew! And then she told me she had some great news for me, and that was when I knew for sure! When she said that I said, “YESSSS!” and she went on to tell me that there was a little girl waiting for us in South Africa.

She started telling me details like her name and I realized that I should be writing this down, so I rushed into the room where the others were and grabbed a pen and Post-It notes and just as I rushed out again said, “I have become a mama!” and went back into the conference room.

So I began writing down the things she was telling me, that her name was Esther Z**** and she was born on December 4, 2007. That is just so wonderful that she was born in 2007. We both had felt for sure that 2007 was going to be a great year, and were confused when it didn’t turn out to be. But now we found out that our daughter was born in 2007, so of course it was a great year! Plus, I had been praying that we would meet our child before its 6 month birthday, and we will meet her 2 days before!

I was kind of in a dual shocked/calmed state of mind somehow, which is hard to explain. In one sense it was this enormous rush of joy and relief and amazement, but on the other hand it seemed so obviously right and only natural that of course this was happening here and now!

After nearly 15 minutes of more details and other practical information our conversation was over and I went straight to my boss to tell him that I had finally become a mother. He was very happy for me and asked me for more details but I told him that I wanted my husband to be the one to hear about all this first! So I went back into our analyst room and wrapped up what I was working on so that I could leave.

My plan was to take the next available bus from Malmö to Staffanstorp and go to N's school and surprise him, knowing that as soon as he saw me he would realize what was up and we could enjoy that moment in person.

But there aren’t many busses for Staffanstorp in the middle of the day, so I got on one for Lund and figured I would decide what to do from there. That whole 15 minute bus ride was completely surreal. I mean, there I was, having just gotten the most fantastic news, riding along with people on either side of me who were just going about their daily lives as usual – it was so weird! So I got off the bus!

And even though I would have rather told N in person, I decided it was best to just have some way to get home as soon as possible, so I called his cell phone.

When he answered I said “Älskling!” and he said expectantly, “Yes?!” and then it was when I said, “Du har blivit PAPPA!” that the tears finally came and I really lost it. The combination of being able to say those words and of hearing the joy and amazement in his voice really did it for me, I guess.

He was able to quickly wrap up things at work and drive to come get me so that we could come home and look at the e-mail and pictures together.

In the car I told him the details from the Post-It notes and we were just smiling and thinking and wondering and praising.

We were both very hungry when we got home so we ate a sandwich at the kitchen table before going to the computer, which is funny to me now.

And then we sat down next to each other at the computer and opened the “Background report” of our little girl. Most of what it said I had already heard from AC, but there were some other funny details that made us smile – that she smiles when she takes baths and is grumpy in the morning! And that she likes to be cuddled, especially when it is time to sleep.

It stuck out to me that they stated in the report that “she will flourish” and we are claiming that as a prophetic proclamation over her life – Esther, you will flourish!

We are both so fascinated by her name, Esther. She received it from an orphanage caregiver where she was taken in, and it is just so fitting for our little girl. It works fine in both Swedish and English, and it is a strong, lovely name that she can be proud of. So a little Esther she shall be!

The first thing both of us did then was to call our parents. It was around 6:30 a.m. in the US when I called mine, and dad answered and I told him I had good news and to get mom on the phone. And then I think I said something like, “It finally happened – they finally called!” I told them all the details and answered all their questions. N called his mom and told her she had become a grandma, and she broke down! After he told her some of the details she said, “now I can go shopping!”

N's sister is a travel agent, which really came in handy for us since she was able to find tickets to Johannesburg for an incredible price and reserve them right away. We will be leaving on May 29. We will meet Esther on June 2, she will become officially ours in court on June 5, and we will come home again on June 20.

We then called some other people, printed out some info and the photo, and wrote some announcements on our blog and on the mailgroup, and the congratulations started pouring in! So many people have been waiting and longing with us – it was such a blessing to be able to bring joy to their lives as well!

We finally went to bed exhausted and looking forward to our weekend together in H***, which I had been planning for awhile as a surprise for N.

The emotions I have gone through both yesterday and today upon waking up are hard to summarize. I am thankful and amazed and relieved and expectant and wondering and hopeful and stunned and calm and joyful. But at the same time a feeling hit me that I didn’t expect to hit me, and that was a kind of grief. Grief over what our baby girl has gone through. But the hope and the gratitude outweighs the grief, and I know that God’s grace is going to be upon all three of us to conquer that sorrow and turn it into the joy of living in God’s plan and purpose for our family, for such a time as this.

A love is growing in our hearts for our Esther, our African Queen, and we say with confidence that SHE WILL FLOURISH!